i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
