Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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