dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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