i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
