Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize