We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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