we made out on top of his cat.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
