if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
