I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am one with the molecules
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
