yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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