My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
