no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
