it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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