She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
