my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
