eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
