Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
