I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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