yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize