I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is glitter all over my balls
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
