around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
