Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
bring money and cleavage
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
