I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
