just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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