my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
