Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
