walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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