matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
