Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You need Xanax blowdarts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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