I'm lost and stupid without you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
