as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
