Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
