Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
