This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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