If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
