She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize