dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize