I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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