this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
