I just made out with a guy for $7.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
