meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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