I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
