What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
organizing the empties. That sober.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
