I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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