My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
