Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
