Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
