We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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