Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
