I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
