My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
