I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
