dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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