I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
