My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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