Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
