Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
