3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize