bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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