Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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