Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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