so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
