dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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