It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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