no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize