It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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