I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
