Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
