i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
