Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
