Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
