The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
